Oddly, this page was suggested to me by a female friend of mine when I asked for places to find horrible poetry on the 'net. The poems I found were almost too bad to parody, and most certainly any ordinary person would have given up, but my intense boredom and almost inhuman determination should prove the match of the All Men Must Die in song and poem page.

 In my Dream
 i was outside raking in a field of yellow leaves
 and you were there
 laughing at me
 at my rake, at my style
 a leaf-blower lay at my feet
 i picked it up and used it to coat you with leaves
 then threw little pieces of wood at you
 and laughed at the size of your chest

 i want to drink you
 i'll open your can
 with my index finger nail
 then i'll rip off your tab
 and throw it on the ground

 or maybe i'll refridgerate you first
 for a couple of hours
 perhaps my freezer
 would be the quickest
 although if i forget you you'll explode

 but i do know one thing
 i am going to drink you sometime
 i will drink until it hurts
 and you can fizz all you want
 because you're my pibb, and i'm the only one that cares

 I'm a crazy ro-bot man
 look out humans
 you'd better run

 I'm not working right
 at least not tonight
 so take your race
 on outta here

 I'm a crazy ro-bot man
 look out humans
 you'd better run

 Your rhyming patterns seem to change
 from time to time
 i need some more oil
 and please clean my transistors of grime

 I'm a crazy ro-bot man
 look out humans
 you'd better run

 Because you know tonight
 I ain't workin' right
 In this stanza I'll rhyme three times
 Watch it!  I just might!

 Look out humans
 you'd better run
 I'm a crazy ro-bot man

 she has such a pretty voice
 and her eyes sparkle and shine
 oh, but unfortunately her thoughts
 show a disturbing lack of profundity
 a moron with shining white hair

 she has such a knowing, pretty smile
 and the way she walks
 unfortunately, her functional gray matter
 would fit on the tip of my tongue

 and so i watch her
 intermingling with those around her -- fools they are!  all of them!
 these incredible GODS of mentality
 i am thinking her legs
 have prevented many from caring
 to know the woman inside

 but when i talked to her
 oh, god,
 this is not good
 i say to myself
 this is NOT good
 and i walk away, disgusted

 i don't like you
 there's no reason why
 you haven't offended me
 or even spoken--

 but i can see it in your eyes, your face,
 the blank and vapid look

 and then you speak,
 and it comes full force
 the stupidity like napalm descending
 you annoy the hell out of me.

 I want to be your dog
 I want to know only dogdom
 and loyalty only to you
 to chew up all of your furniture
 and urinate on your rug

 i want to be your dog
 i want to wear a collar
 and be led about on a leash
 and eat only the food i'm provided

 I want to be your dog
 and breathe with my doggy breath in your face
 chasing cars and giving you fleas
 sniffing your guests
 at inconvenient times

 I want to be your dog
 to follow constantly after you
 nipping at your ankles
 there - just there
 everywhere you go
 I WANT to be

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